


A World of Gods And Monsters

by Thequeenofdragons



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Beauty and the Beast Elements, Cabins, Consensual Sex, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drama & Romance, Female Character of Color, Friendship, Healthy Relationships, Implied Relationships, Mommy Issues, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Survival, Survivor Guilt, Walks In The Woods, referenced human trafficking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-12-04 03:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11546154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thequeenofdragons/pseuds/Thequeenofdragons
Summary: They say that no good deed goes unpunished. Sometimes, just one simple act of charity can change your life, for better or for worse.





	1. Blood & Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE, SKIP IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE STORY YET: While in the middle of rewriting chapter two, I came to the realization that I had no idea who Dave was as a character. I have had this problem from the beginning and no matter how hard I tried he always remained an enigma. So, I have made the decision to replace Dave with Archer, a character who originally was going appear in only a few scenes but ended up turning into an interesting character. Even though it's a minor change; I am sorry for changing the story once again. But I promise you that it's for the sake of quality.

 

* * *

Agony, pure unadulterated agony. That was the only thing she felt as those large, yellowed, teeth sank their way deeper into her shoulder. Her mind in shambles; she watched as the color of her skin bleed away with every drop of her blood. The young soldier's uniform had become disgustingly warm and wet from being dyed by the rancid crimson, it was a stark contrast to the lifeless chill of the girl wearing it. And the longer the titan held onto her; the more of that girl's life seeped away with it.

Attempting to free herself; she contorted her body to the side. Pulling her hips out from beneath the titan, only to have the beast's large hand slam her to the floor. Pressure from the titan's iron grip cracked her ribs. Bringing a new level of torture to this nightmare.

Alone; she desperately cried out for help. Hoping that her comrades would hear her and somehow make it in time. With her gear and blades in pieces, she had no way of slaying the beast. For now, all she could do was try and keep this diminutive excuse of a titan from killing her.

She screamed out in agony and anger. Sloshing around in her own blood. She clawed and kicked with all her might but the titan's grip never wavered.

It was starting to look like the end. And this was probably where most would accept their fate. But in that moment, half dead and lying in the darkness, something stirred inside of her. Then it ignited. A wildfire burned within her veins that refused to go out. Today was not her day.

Yes, she was terrified to no end. But she'd be damned if she was going to die so miserably. Death itself wasn't necessarily the thing that frightened her, there was more to it than that. It was the fear of never accomplishing anything, it was the fear of being worthless, and the fear of never really being free that truly scared her.

These were the three things she had to live for. She had sworn to him that she would never give up and tonight she wasn't going to let him down so easily. Not without a fight. If death wanted the soldier; so be it. But it would have to drag her kicking and screaming.

She quit fighting the titan. Letting her arms fall to the floor. She franticly searched the worn wooden floorboards for anything she could use as a weapon. Her fingers slid over a cool, smooth object. It was a shard from one of her broken blades.

She seized her weapon and clutched it tightly, she paid no mind to the small wound it caused. One chance was all she had and the soldier didn't mind if she had to pay for it with blood. Hand tensely aimed; the soldier waited with each precious drop for the perfect moment.

Furiously, she impaled the titan's eye. Driving the shard inside its socket with so much force that it would be impossible for her to pull back out. For a split second, its jaws loosened enough to release a pained moan.

The soldier grabbed a hold of the beast's maw and angrily pried it open. Forcing it to release her maimed shoulder. Free from its jaws, she quickly shoved her hand under its chin to stop it from coming back to bite her again.

Her whole body was trembling, and with all her waning strength, she fought to push the revolting creature off of her. The soldier's arms begin to buckle from the strain, even in her delirious state of mind she knew that she was working against the clock. Vision hazing, it was only a matter of time before she faded. She pushed one last, unsuccessful time and then her body went limp. All feeling had drained from this once strong body, unable to move and defenseless; she now truly felt lifeless.

The soldier watched detached from the world as the titan came back in, ready to finish the job. Death was now inevitable, but she was too weak and too tired to be frightened. Teetering on the edge, her mind had gone almost blank. As the titan's jaws closed in; she dared herself to look into the eyes of her killer.

And to her horror; she saw a flickering glimpse of humanity within them.

 _No, that's impossible._ Shutting her eyes; she tried to erase that image from her mind before it all ended. But it was futile. Her heart felt like it was about to explode as she realized that she was going to die like a coward.

A hot steaming liquid splattered across her face, causing her eyes to fly back open. Though she could not see what was going on with her blurring vison. It was Followed by an instantaneous thud right beside her head.

Suddenly, there was pressure on her right side. A wave of unbearable pain burned its way into her flesh. She would have screamed if she hadn't been so far gone. Once the blur left her eyes, she could see that the titan's face was no longer there. Instead the young soldier saw the decomposing beast on top of her, headless, and cauterizing the gaping wound. Her monster had just become her salvation.

A pair of arms wrapped around her torso, pulling her out from beneath the steaming corpse before she could be burned to a crisp. Her vison was still to hazy to make out any facial features but there was a sense of familiarity to them. And for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, she felt some kind of comfort. They picked her up and carried her out of that hellish house. And gently, she was laid down in the grass.

In the corner of her eye she saw two more figures appear, one came rushing to her side and began speaking with whoever was already beside her. She couldn't understand what the two were saying, she could only tell that they were upset. With her hearing shifting constantly between silent to deafeningly loud, it impossible for anything to sound intelligible. Within the madness, thought made its way back into her mind and along with-it emotions. Tears began to fall.

Although the wound was now closed; she had lost too much blood. Black was creeping into her vision and she could hardly move. A violent swam of emotions raced through her mind, all of them so confusing except one, the most dominant of them all, fear. In the end that was all it came back to. Humanity's most primal emotion, the same emotion she had been trying all these years to weed out.

She tried not to become that frightened little girl again. But here she was; lying in the grass, caked in her own blood, crying and secretly wishing to be held by her sister, a cruel dream that could never happen. With her consciousness hanging on by a thread, she looks to one of the soldiers beside her. This time, even in the haze; she recognized this one. Although featureless, she could make out short wheat-blonde hair, fair skin, and a medium sized stature.

This was the girl she saved. A reluctant calmness coursed through her body. The pain had vanished. And all she could feel now was numb.

Instead of the constant switching between deafeningly loud and complete silence, she could now just hardly hear the voices of her fellow soldiers. The three of them were shouting for her to stay with them, but a sleep she could not fight gently called out to her. A sleep she knew she could possibly never awaken from. She looked to the moon, bathing in its light. She allowed the slumber to take her, but before she was gone she heard the blonde.

"Aminah, Aminah!"

00000

Aminah Rúna's mind was brought back to the dead of winter, when she was no older than eleven.

The young girl sat impatiently on the front porch, observing the falling snow. She watched the frozen particles meticulously dance though the air. Their beauty almost calmed her ever racing mind.

Aminah loved snow, in her mind there was nothing more beautiful than the frozen creation. She'd often sit out at night for hours on end admiring it. It was something she probably loved too much.

In fact, Aminah spent so much time watching the snow that when she was younger her parents had to start taking turns monitoring her in order to make sure she wouldn't end up getting frostbite from her strange obsession. Her elder sister Kaya, had once joked about how the cold would be the end of her, to Aminah that didn't seem like such a bad way to go out. With the world they lived in; there were far worse ways to die. Especially for people like them.

But on this night, she wasn't out there to admire the picturesque scenery of the snowy forest that surrounded her home. She was waiting for the return of her father and possibly her sister. Fourteen days earlier, Aminah's sister and parents had gotten into a bitter argument. It ended up rocking their entire household and the outcome hadn't been good to say the least. The entire situation was caused by one thing, Kaya's nature.

She was a free spirit, wild like the woods she had been raised in. She was brazen, temperamental, carefree, a strong fighter, and brutally honest. Basically, she was almost the complete opposite of her sister. Kaya was truly a beautiful nightmare for her parents, but that would never stop them from loving her.

But to Aminah, Kaya was perfect. Aminah wanted to so desperately be like Kaya, she wanted to be brave, to be able to speak her own mind, and stand up for herself. That's why she always listened to her even if she didn't necessarily agree. Because Aminah knew that at the very least she might learn something from her. No matter what; if Kaya led she followed.

Kaya would often lead her though the woods for hours, recounting old stories and snippets of knowledge about the world beyond the walls to Aminah. Kaya had said that their father would one day teach her the same once she turned thirteen. She always made Aminah promise to never tell anyone about the information she had prematurely shared. Even though the constant reminders were completely unnecessary and kind of irritating, she understood that it was because Kaya didn't want to see her get hanged for having a lose tongue.

As time went on, Aminah had started to notice that this knowledge had made Kaya restless. The older she grew the more frustrated she became. Kaya knew there was a world outside and she began to believe that there had to be a better one somewhere out there. She now wanted to leave the walls, she wanted to leave their oppression and discrimination.

She saw no point in removing shackles when still caged. So that's why; fourteen days ago with her bags packed, Kaya had announced that she was going to join the military. And that once she graduated, she would be joining the Survey Corps.

To say her parents had been distraught would be an understatement. Her father had burst into tears only a few minutes into the argument while her mother had started screaming almost immediately. She accused Kaya of wanting to 'throw her life away for nothing'. Her father Didn't even attempt to talk her out of it, he just wept. He had known this day would come and that no words could stop her from walking out that door.

He knew that he couldn't tame the wild that grew inside her, the same wild he shared with her. He had accidently pushed her to the point of no return. Bard took a gamble the day he decided to pass on his family's oral history. It may not have been much but even the smallest of sparks can start a blaze.

Aminah had silently watched on from the shadows. She had known about her sister's plans all along. When Kaya had told her; she, like the ignorant child she was, had blindly approved and promised to stay quiet. She knew nothing of the Survey Corps' death rates. Nor was she old enough to fully realize that her sister was not invincible.

But it was Kaya. And Aminah trusted her judgment no matter what.

Ignoring their pleas, Kaya grabbed her bags and ran out of the house without a single goodbye. Not even to Aminah, who had been watching from the hall.

At first, they had checked with the Cline's to see if she was there or if she had stopped by. She hadn't. For three days, they had searched the town, and for three days they had waited for their daughter's return. With no sign of her, Aminah's parents had decided that her father, would travel to the nearest military enlistment processing station to see if Kaya had registered.

Aminah had been sitting in the bitter cold for hours, nervously waiting. Tonight, her father was to return with either Kaya or news of her. If she had enlisted, there would be nothing her parents could do about it. Aminah secretly hoped she made it in time. It was a silly and childish hope, one that she was too naïve to see the potential consequences of.

Aminah's hands began to numb, it didn't bother her. The cold never did. But she remembered what her mother had told her about the importance of staying warm. So, she stuck her hands under her armpits, absorbing her own body heat back into her hands.

The door creaked open behind her and Aminah craned her neck to see her mother, who gave a small smile and sat beside her daughter. She was a very beautiful woman, but it was Kaya who took most of her traits. Aminah had inherited most of her father's features, like her jade green eyes, straight onyx hair, more pointed face, and barely visible freckles. But she had taken on her mother's most noticeable feature which Kaya hadn't. Her deep brown skin.

This was why they stayed isolated. This was why their mother spent eight hours each week teaching them how to fight and this was why they lived in the woods an hour away from the nearest town. To avoid discrimination on a daily basis, to avoid human traffickers. This was what Kaya wanted to leave behind.

"It's late, why don't you come inside?" May said, Aminah shrugged. "Don't worry about them, your father will come back safely. But he might not be here till early morning so there's no use in waiting out here for him. You can wait inside where you won't lose your nose to frostbite."

She stood up and lent Aminah a hand. She took it and followed her mother into the sturdy, rustic house. She sat down on their crude old couch next to the coffee table, not far from the front door. Her mother walked over and plopped down on the couch beside her daughter, wrapping a warm arm around Aminah and pulling her close. Aminah couldn't help but smile, she rested her head against her mother's chest, feeling it rise and fall in a soothing rhythm.

Her mother began to stroke her hair, hoping the action would calm her daughter's nerves. With each stroke of her mother's hand, Aminah's worries seemed to get smaller. Strange that such a small action could seemingly make everything in the world seem right. In that moment Aminah thought that as long as they were together she could never be lost. But she also had something else on her mind. Although Aminah didn't want to disrupt their new-found bliss, she needed to ask a question that had been on her mind.

"Mom, why are you so against Kaya joining the Survey Corps? I mean she's strong and can handle herself." May sighed rather heavily.

"Aminah, you need to understand that this world is a cruel place even within these walls. You know that's why I've taught you two how to fight, but strength can only get you so far. And fighting humans is nothing like fighting titans, humans can't grow limbs back, humans aren't fifteen meters tall, and humans don't try to eat each other. Well at least most don't." She smiled at the last part which made Aminah a little less nervous about bringing up the topic.

What May said about the titans was correct but she had overestimated her daughter's naiveté in one aspect. Aminah was already too familiar with how cruel people could be. Up until she was nine, Aminah had constantly been harassed by a group of children. They had done everything from calling her names; most of which were derogatory statements about her skin color, to throwing rocks, and occasionally robbing her. Once, they even attempted to cut off her hair.

Most of the time she hadn't fought back. The only time had, was when she thought she could possibly be in real danger. Any other time she had simply frozen up and taken the abuse out of fear that if she retaliated it would have only gotten worse.

No one was really sure where Aminah got her submissive nature from. It certainly wasn't her mother, a free spirit who would never let anyone control her. And although her father was a very gentle and soft spoken man; he'd never put up with any kind of bully either. However, maybe it wasn't Bard himself, but rather his teachings that had shaped Aminah's nature.

He would always tell Aminah about how all life should be respected, and how you had to be kind to one another even if you dislike that person. Because hate is a cycle and if you give off hatred it would only continue. But if you pass on kindness you might be able to break the cycle and maybe that person would one day return the kindness.

Aminah might have ended up taking lessons like these too seriously. Eventually Kaya and Rose had beaten up Aminah's abusers and made them swear to never touch her again. After that the bullies would stay as far away from her as humanly possible, out of fear of the two older girls. Aminah knew the cruelty of the walls, but she still had no idea about the kind that laid beyond them.

"Whenever the Survey Corps go out for an expedition, half of their members will die. Most of the bodies are never recovered. Sometimes all that's left of a person is an arm, a leg, or a maybe even a head. Aminah, would you like for them to come back with your sister's head in a bag?" Aminah shook her head 'no'.

"Honestly if something like that were to happen; I'd rather have them bring nothing back at all." Her features grew distant. May looked at Aminah with tired and somber eyes.

"They've made little progress over the past fifteen years. Strong holds outside the wall are a dream that may never come true. I never want Kaya or you to join them, ever. Not because I dislike them. No, in fact I admire them."

"It's because I don't want to. I can't lose you two. So even if you; with all your heart want to join. I will try with everything I have to keep you from it. Even if it hurts, I won't let it happen."

"Because parents are selfish when it comes to protecting their children, keeping them safe is sometimes more important than keeping them happy." Her strong arms coiled around Aminah's shoulders as if she were trying to protect her from some unknown force. In a shared moment of silence, May held her daughter like nothing else in the world mattered. "Please promise me you'll never join the Survey Corps?" She pleaded with stressed and slightly bloodshot eyes.

"Don't worry, Mom, I won't. Besides there aren't many of us left." Aminah could instantly see the relief wash across her mother's face. "Anyway, I don't want to fight titans, I want to study them." She looked up only to be greeted by her mother's shocked and simultaneously irritated face.

"What?" May's face now swelled a vibrant shade of red. "What has Mr. Cline been telling you?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. I asked him to tell me about them. Mom, I... I just want to learn about them, it's not like I'll be joining the military." Aminah said meekly. Her statement hadn't seemed to calm her mother one bit, so she attempted to continue as eloquently as possible.

"I wouldn't have to work on the field if I get a good education. I'd be working in a lab somewhere safe, away from live titans, analyzing samples. Imagine me creating some magic poison that would kill them all! With the power of science, we can learn how they work and defeat them!" She claimed exuberantly.

Her mother sighed in relief, she knew Aminah was being truthful. Since she did have sort of a strange side underneath her docile exterior that held a deep fascination with large deadly animals. May had guessed that it was only natural for her to become interested in titans at some point. She just hoped it would be a phase.

"Please don't get mad at Mr. Cline. I had to beg him to tell me!" Aminah pleaded. The man was like an uncle to her and she didn't want him to get in trouble because of her curiosity. May sighed.

"Don't worry I won't, but must you let your curiosity get the better of you?" Aminah shrugged her shoulders, not really knowing what to say to that. "Does Kaya know?"

"Yes." She squeaked. May rolled her eyes in the most passive aggressive way possible.

"How did I wind up with such insane children?" May stated dramatically, leaning further into the couch.

"Don't know, maybe it's because, ugh, you gave birth during a full moon or something. I don't know? That sounded dumb." Aminah mumbled.

"Maybe you don't know because you're tired." May released Aminah from her tight embrace and stood up. Now it felt like she could finally breathe after being released from her mother's grip. "Get up, it's nearly midnight. Go get some sleep."

She got off the creaking couch and embraced her mother, hard. Catching May a bit off guard. "Okay, but only if you wake me up when dad gets back, okay." May stroked her hair once more and agreed.

"Alright, I will. But just to warn you, I doubt you'll want to get up when he arrives." They separated, Aminah somewhat reluctantly headed back to her room. She laid in her bed for about an hour before sleep finally consumed her. On that night, she slept with no dreams.

She in awoke in cold sweat to the sound of unfamiliar voices, she could hear them coming from the kitchen. Trembling, she got out of bed and cautiously made her way to the kitchen. She walked silently with her arms raised, prepared to fight. Heart beating so fast, it felt like it was going to leap out of her. She kept mentally telling herself to remember what her mother had taught her, remember and everything will be fine.

She turned the corner into the kitchen. What she saw both shocked and reviled her.

Both her parents were sitting at the dinner table with a Military Policemen. The policeman was the first to notice her presence, her parents quickly caught on and turned to face her. Her mother looked distraught. Aminah had no time to look at her father's face because he was up and out of his chair in the blink of an eye.

He pulled her into a bone crushing hug. While he held her; she felt his entire body shake. Aminah was truly scared now. What had happed or what had they done to get the Military Police involved, was all she could think. Her father released her, Aminah's eyes were instantly drawn to his trembling hands, she dreaded finding out what had caused this.

"Aminah, come, sit." He whispered, she obeyed and sat between her parents.

"What's wrong, why is he here? What did Kaya do? Where is she?" The officer gave her a grave look, one that made her stomach sink. She looked to Bard seeking some kind of support, instead she saw tears begin to roll down her father's face. Her mother looked on in confusion and fear, eyes constantly darting from person to person.

"Dad, what's going on?"

Bard looked to the policeman. "Officer, please tell my wife and daughter, I.. can't." His silent tears threatened to become sobs, May reached across the table and took her husband's hand in an attempt to comfort not just him but herself too.

"Mrs. Runá, your daughter is missing. We believe she was kidnapped, I'm sorry." He said trying his hardest to be supportive.

It was as if lead weights had filled Aminah's stomach. And for a moment she could have sworn her heart stopped beating. She couldn't breathe; the world felt as if it were shattering around her. Kaya was gone.

She couldn't believe it, and she refused to believe it. So she clouded herself within this fallacy where Kaya couldn't be gone and that it was all a lie that the Military Police had made up. Aminah looked over to her mother, hoping to see if she could give a bit of reassurance. But instead she saw that her mother's face was expressionless.

"Did you find anything of her?" May replied coldly, not allowing any emotion to escape her lips.

"Yes." The officer hesitated for a moment before pulling a black bag from beneath the table. He unzipped it and pulled out a rucksack. Aminah immediately recognized it. It was Kaya's.

He placed it on the table. It was dirty and had a small amount of old, dried, blood on it. "Your husband said this was hers, could you please confirm."

He slid it towards to May. Cringing at the sight of it. She refused to touch the object as if it were cursed.

"Yes, this is Kaya's." May's stoicism crumbled away with each second she stared at the bag. Her eyes glassed over. "And I assume... that this is her blood?"

"Most likely, I'm sorry." The policeman struggled not to get choked up himself. Then her mother, her strong mother, who hardly ever cried; began to weep.

All of this was surreal. How could this happen to Kaya? She had always been the strong one and now she was either locked up as some pervert's plaything or dead. They were trained for this. How could a simple criminal win against someone who had trained their whole life to protect themselves in this exact situation?

All of this was too much for Aminah. She couldn't handle knowing that Kaya would never go outside the walls and die caged up. She violently stood up, accidently knocking over her chair in the process.

"No, she can't be gone! She's strong, none of you." She began to cry, reality had begun to sink in. Her father reached for her hand. "No!" She swatted it away.

"I don't want your help! It's all your fault!"

May stood up, she attempted to embrace her daughter only to have Aminah push her away. "Aminah, please." She sobbed.

"No.. I can't." Aminah burst from the kitchen and ran out the door, barefoot and dressed in only a nightgown.

She ran blindly into the woods on an unfamiliar path. Running as far and as fast as her shivering legs could carry her. She could not bring herself to care about getting lost, or the idea of freezing to death. The only thing she cared about was running, running away from this cruel reality. She did not care about the numbness spreading though her arms, nor the sting in her bare feet as her soles were slit on jagged rocks.

Aminah ran for what seemed like hours until she finally collapsed in the middle of a small snowy meadow. She laid there in the tall frosted grass, in pain. Her feet bloody and staining the snow beneath them scarlet. Her spindly body nearly frozen.

Aminah ran her hand though the icy grass, the gesture awaking memories that had been long forgotten. They were memories of her family together but she thought of nothing but her sister. The way she talked, the way she sang, fought, laughed, yelled, and ran. Aminah looked to the sky, the moon was full.

She recalled the time when she had tried to teach Kaya about the constellations. She could remember that Kaya had complained it was boring and just a waste of time. Even though Aminah had argued fiercely against that notion, Kaya never agreed. So, in the end Aminah gave up on teaching her.

Although they would argue about stupid things sometimes, and although they had very different interests, they loved each other more than anything. Kaya never gave up on her, even when they were at each other's throats, even when Aminah gave up on herself. No matter what; Kaya was there for her, and now it was time for her to do the same. She remembered something Kaya had said in their argument about constellations.

Why _does anything up there matter when we live down here._ For once she agreed.

It was time to get her head out of the clouds and start growing up. That moment in her dreary, numb state, Aminah made a promise.

"Kaya, I don't know how or when. But one day I will find you, no matter what."

She laid there for what seemed like eternity until her parents found her, crumpled up in the bloody snow at death's door. Her mother quickly wrapped a blanket around her frozen form and carried her back home. Once Aminah laid in her mother's arms she blacked out, knowing she was now safe.

"I'll find you."

00000

_Bullshit_

Blinding shining light, burned its way into her eyelids. That same divine light seemed to call out for her return to the world. Feeling dazed and confused; she slowly she lifted her heavy eyelids open to a blurry mess of drab colors. For a minute, she passively watched the blurred figures bustle around her. And when her vision finally cleared, Aminah saw what she had expected, a hospital.

It was a stark, bare bones building that had probably never seen this much action before. Her sweaty back pressed against the small hard bed, Aminah looked up at the ceiling of the giant room. She was just one random solider who had gotten lucky. Did she even deserve to be alive? There were plenty of people who were worthier of survival, yet she despite these feelings; she could never be a martyr. No matter what, she was always ruled by a primal urge to survive, even if made her a selfish coward.

Looking back down, she watched as nurses carried a fresh cadaver from a bed four rows down. _I'm screwed._

The sight violently awoke Aminah from her groggy state. Hastily, she lifted her left hand to eye level and to her relief; a dainty silver ring with a bird's wing in the center still sat upon her index finger. The sight put Aminah at ease. She pushed herself forward, only to get shocked by a sharp, stabbing pain in her ribs. She immediately laid back down and pulled her shirt up, revealing a bandaged abdomen.

 _Great, they're probably broken. Now I'm really screwed. S_ he thought to herself and then proceeded to examine her shoulder. She couldn't tell how bad the wound was since it too was entirely bandaged along with half of her right arm.

 _What's wrong with my arm?_ Aminah couldn't remember how she had sustained this injury, in fact she could hardly remember what had happened. All she knew for now was that it hurt like hell. Her body suddenly began to ache even more. Apparently whatever pain medication they had given her was beginning to wear off.

She would have to bear it until a nurse walked by. Besides, she had gone through worse.

In the meantime, she checked out her neighbors. To her left was a relatively short boy, around her age who was out cold and seemed to have some kind of internal injury. When Aminah first laid eyes on the boy; she believed him to be dead until after three minutes of staring she finally saw his chest rise. The boy was so pale that he was literally white, the peppery red hair that curled into countless knots was about the only lively looking thing about him. And to her right was the complete opposite.

There laid a tall woman who was most definitely awake. Most of her left leg was missing below the knee. She had sandy brown hair, tawny skin, and a perpetual frown. She paid no attention to Aminah's stares or anything else, she just continued to scowl at the ceiling. Which was something Aminah was grateful for since this woman seemed to radiate an indescribable and unpleasant feeling.

To Aminah's luck a nurse finally walked by. His presence seemed to stop the sensation.

"Sir," she called hoarsely, catching his attention. The nurse walked quietly over. He was about medium height with dark brunette hair, extremely pale, and had rather large dark circles under his eyes. There was sort of an odd aura to him, as if he seemed to either dislike everything or find everything boring. Aminah wasn't quite sure which one it was or if it was even one of the two.

"Oh, you're awake. You need more morphine?" He said dryly while preparing the syringe.

"Yes, please." She replied meekly, he grabbed her arm and rubbed it with alcohol, he then stuck her with the syringe. "Sir, my ribs. How bad are they?"

"You broke two of them on your upper right side, not too badly though. It should take six weeks for them to heal. For the time being you shouldn't sit up. You also have some burns all up on your right side, from your shoulder and right arm, down to your hip, they're goanna leave some scars." He said with almost a hint of empathy in his otherwise dry voice.

Aminah could care less about scars, what she was worried about how long she would be there. She didn't want to be trapped in this place for long, especially with the body count on the rise. She desperately hoped these doctors knew what they were doing. With all the cadavers; Aminah feared a virus could break out. "How long until I can walk?"

"About five days, but you'll have to take it easy, very easy. No running, no power walking or jumping. Don't let the doctors' work go to waste, they're busy enough as it is." _Was the last part really necessary?_ The nurse's snide tone aside, she was relieved at the news, the sooner she could walk, the quicker she could get out of this hospital that reeked of death.

Besides she didn't want to constantly be reminded of the incident that had landed her here in the first place. The nurse put his tools back on to the tray. Just as he was about to leave Aminah heard her name being called.

"Aminah, Aminah?" She could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Elisabeth!" Aminah called. Once she had laid eyes on Aminah, the other girl came barreling over to her bedside, completely ignoring the nurse's presence. He cringed at the girl's unexpected appearance.

"You're awake, how do you feel..." Out of the corner of her eye, Elisabeth saw the nurse staring at her with a gaze so fierce; his eyes might have well been daggers. She took an awkward step back.

"How did you get in here? We're not allowing visitors!" The nurse barked. Elisabeth's response to the question was a nervous smile.

"Well, no one told me that, so I just walked in. Because I wanted to make sure my friend was still alive. Good friends make sure their friends aren't dead, right?" She quipped, her smile only getting wider in an attempt to hide her nerves.

"Well, good friends also allow their friends to rest. Your friend here just woke up and I'm sure she's tired so..."

"Sir, that's alright, I'm fine. I would like to see her, please." Aminah interrupted, albeit as politely as possible. The nurse sighed and pressed a hand against his face.

"Alright, just make sure she's quiet. I don't need her disturbing others." He sighed again, Aminah nodded her head in agreement as the nurse took his tray and reluctantly left. Elisabeth grabbed Aminah's bandaged hand. Although she took care not to disturb the wound, pain shot up Aminah's right arm whenever any pressure was applied, causing her to wince slightly.

Elisabeth didn't seem to notice what she had done but Aminah didn't protest. Although it hurt; it was nice to have physical contact and Elisabeth back. The last thing Aminah wanted to do was scare her off by having her think she was fragile.

"How are you feeling?" Elisabeth asked.

"Alright, I guess, but this is definitely going to leave a nasty scar." Aminah gestured to her right shoulder. "What a shame. And I had such a beautiful shoulder." She whined sarcastically.

"Yeah, that was your most attractive feature, now no one will want to date you because of your hideous shoulder." Elisabeth joked and Aminah chuckled at the ridiculous statement. Her face suddenly grew solemn as she remembered her teammates, Aminah simply hoped that they were safe.

"Elisabeth, where are we? Is the rest of our squad safe, and did they seal the wall?" She nervously blurted out so quickly that she wasn't even sure if Elisabeth even understood what she had just said.

"Don't worry he's safe, they're safe. We're back in Chlorba, the hospital isn't that far away from the barracks. And you aren't going to believe this, but" Elisabeth leaned in close and stated quietly. "Wall Rose was never breached."

"What?! How is that possible?" Disturbed, Aminah almost sat up, but quickly realized her mistake when pain shot up her side. To say she was shocked would be a complete understatement. She couldn't understand how this was even possible. It was almost as if one Mr. Cline's more out-there theories was coming to life.

"Did the titans get in through a tunnel? Did they somehow climb the wall? How?"

"I can tell you that they didn't dig their way in, no one found any large mysterious holes, and it's highly unlikely that they climbed. For now, we just don't know. But don't worry about that now, the Corps are looking into it." Aminah calmed down even though the news worried her, Elisabeth's rather nonchalant attitude towards the whole situation made her think that maybe everything wasn't as bad as it seemed. She still couldn't remember the night of the attack that well, she wasn't even sure how long she had been in the hospital.

"How long have I been here?"

"Two days." Surprise! She definitely hadn't expected it to be that long.

"Oh my." Aminah murmured under her breath, totally dumbfounded by the news. Now she was afraid that her injuries may be worse than she imagined, but for her; now wasn't the time to get worked up about it. She quickly recovered from her bewilderment and pretended everything was fine.

"What exactly happened in that house? I can hardly remember a thing." Aminah asked while rubbing her temple. The blonde's eyes drifted to the floor.

"It's my fault." She nearly whispered. "I was too scared to kill it." Aminah could see the girl's fists balled up by her sides as her knuckles turned white. "You pushed me out of the way when it lunged, I hit my head and couldn't move. All I could do was watch."

"You Almost died because of my stupidity. I should be the one in that bed. I'm sorry" Elisabeth was still staring at the floor. Aminah managed to bare the pain just long enough for her to reach out and tap her friend's arm, getting her attention.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. All of us made it through the night and that's what matters." Aminah said softly, trying to ease her friend's worries. But Elisabeth's eyes remained distant, so Aminah changed the subject. "So, who was my knight in shining armor?" She asked slightly tongue-in-cheek, Elisabeth's face seemed to lighten up a bit at her tone.

"Archer, she cut the head off for good measure. To think out of all of us wall flowers, she would get the first kill." She scoffed and began to smile again. "And here I was thinking that if any of got to kill a titan it would be Ivonne. But I have to give her credit where credit's due, if it wasn't for her quick thinking to let that titan burn the wound, you would have bleed to death."

"Unfortunately, it also gave you some. unnecessary burns, too. But hey, at least Archie made sure your pretty face wasn't touched." She sighed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You really scared the crap out of all of us. I know that you and Bruno don't know each other too well, but even he was scared. I think he might have a bit of a crush on you." Elisabeth winked, which made Aminah roll her eyes.

"Although I didn't think she was capable of feeling such things; Archer is worried. She wanted to come and see you but they wouldn't let her in yesterday. I'll tell her how you're doing." Aminah nodded.

"Thanks, wait. You said you hit your head. Are you okay? Did the medics say you had a concussion?" Elisabeth stared at her like she had grown a second head.

"What? No, I didn't see the medics. I felt fine." Aminah couldn't believe it. She could have brain damage for all she knew and yet she didn't even bother to seek any medical attention. Now Aminah felt like banging her head into Wall Rose.

"Why, Elisabeth? What is wrong with you? Temporary paralysis after hitting your head means you probably have some form of brain injury, most likely a concussion. You can't just avoid medical attention because you 'felt fine'! Did your injury make you incapable of logic?" She snarled.

"How do you even know I'm injured? Everything's been running smoothly for me." The blonde brushed the situation off with a prideful smirk. Aminah was not impressed.

"Oh really? Tell me Elisabeth, have you been feeling nauseous, fatigued, dizzy, or dazed and confused? Has there been any ringing in your ears and have you had frequent headaches? Go on now, tell me you haven't felt any of these." Confident that she'd prove Elisabeth wrong; Aminah held her head as high as possible.

"No, sorry. Not at all."

"Are you serious?" The question was unnecessary. Aminah knew it wasn't a lie but she just couldn't believe it.

"Yep, now can you stop nagging me about it?" Elisabeth was now the one with their head held high, Aminah sunk hers back into the pillow. But she sucked it up and swallowed her pride.

"Yes, I'll stop. Could you tell Archer I'm fine and that I said hello. No wait, tell her that I've been terribly disfigured and that they had to amputate my right arm, so I'll get to see the look on her face when she realizes that I'm fine." Aminah grinned wickedly, Elisabeth chuckled at the idea. "I'm joking, please don't actually do that."

"Aminah, she saw you that night so she's not going to believe you're disfigured, but maybe she'll might believe that you've lost your arm. Anyway, while were still on the subject of missing arms; they've been saying that commander Erwin's right one was eaten. Sure, he's still alive but he won't be able to lead expeditions anymore. Unless he has some kind of death wish."

"That's a surprise, does he happen to be a lefty, ambidextrous maybe?" Aminah joked facetiously. She honestly did feel bad for the man and the news was quite surprising, but sometimes her humor had the tendency to manifest during inappropriate subjects or situations to say the least. "I would hate to do paper work in his position. Who knows, maybe all this time he was secretly a titan and he'll grow his arm back."

"Yeah sure, but he would obviously keep his secret and only grow it back when he's alone. Honestly, I have no idea what hand he used, uses, but a talented man like Commander Smith should adapt quickly. Oh, not to try and worry you but I forgot to mention that this happened outside of Wall Rose." Aminah's interest piqued, she wondered what the Survey Corps were doing inside Wall Maria before an expedition. Under usual circumstances this wouldn't make any sense.

But nothing had been normal lately. And her gut was telling her that something really bad must have happened. Aminah dug her head deeper into the hard pillow. Since she had woken up it seemed the world had gone even madder.

"Was this on the night of the 'breach'?" She used her hand as a quotation mark for the word, since they both knew that wasn't it. Aminah could see on Elisabeth's face; that she too had the same feeling that something more sinister was at fault.

"I'm not sure. I only heard about it this morning."

"Why did the Survey Corps go out? Were they looking for some kind of breach on the opposite side?" Aminah highly doubted that was the case but asked anyway. Elisabeth just shrugged her shoulders in response.

"Don't know. I keep asking but no one around here knows and I think they might even be covering something up. Everything is really off about the whole situation and it's starting to scare me. It wasn't just the Survey Corps, Garrison and even some Military Police were sent out with them. There's no way they were searching for a breach but it wouldn't surprise me if that's what they say officially happened."

Elisabeth sank to the floor, sitting with her back against the wall and pulling her knees up to her chest. "I heard that about one hundred left and only around forty returned." There was a slight shake in her voice. With the news, along with the way Elisabeth had announced it; Aminah's heart sank.

"That's a shame." She said with her voice hushed and deadly serious, it was a poor response but the only one Aminah could think of. It was sickening to know so many people had died only for their cause of death to most likely be covered up. Loosing Garrison outside the walls felt wrong, they had offered their hearts but never to go beyond the walls. She would remember their sacrifices despite never knowing any of them,

And although she had issues with the Military Police; that obviously didn't mean they deserved to die. She knew there were good people among them, people like Rose. And even if they were corrupt, whatever caused their deaths shouldn't be covered up either.

As for the Survey Corps, Aminah honestly pitied them. She had never seen them as a waste of tax payer's money or a bunch of heretics. But a group of ridiculously brave people who were willing to fight for even the smallest chance at freedom. She had once admired them, but all she found herself doing these days was feeling sorry for them.

"I bet it has to do with that Jaeger boy. He always seems to cause trouble. Why out of all people did titan powers have to land into the hands of a fifteen-year-old? Why couldn't it have landed in the hands of someone older and wiser, like commander Erwin?" Elisabeth said with false nonchalance.

She was clearly trying to get her mind off the dark matters she had just told. Aminah didn't wish to think about them either. So, she tried her hand at lighting up the conversation.

"What is up with you and Erwin today? Do you think he's attractive or something?" Nonchalantness abruptly shattered, scarlet began to creep across Elisabeth's face.

"Wha... no, I." Aminah began to laugh lightly. She wasn't actually expecting this kind of reaction. "Ok, ok, I do, but what's wrong with that?" Elisabeth said her defense. Aminah didn't care if she found him handsome but this was simply too great for her to let go.

"Nothing, you can fawn over commander handsome all you want. I'm sure he would make a sexy titan. Elisabeth, answer me honestly, do have acrotomophilia? Because if you do, you might want to consider the ethics of your attraction. It could be so unfair to your blonde beauty."

"I just hope that your little crush doesn't make you consider transferring to the Scouts." She playfully jabbed but apparently Elisabeth didn't find her comments very amusing and she still wore a look of embarrassment.

"Last time I checked, you were the one who almost did that." Elisabeth replied with dry sarcasm. Aminah either didn't pick up on her friend's sarcasm or ignored it, because Elisabeth's comment rubbed her the wrong way. She narrowed her eyes, the emotion in them becoming unreadable.

"Do not bring that up." Aminah stated firmly.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that. I should have never said that, I'm really sorry!" Elisabeth hastily apologized. Luckily Elisabeth didn't need to apologize, since she wasn't really angry. In reality she was just a little sad.

"It's fine, I just didn't want to be reminded of him right now." She sighed, Aminah began to fidget with her ring. Remembering its previous owner, even though at the moment she wanted nothing more than to push him out of her mind. She knew Elisabeth meant no harm, but she really didn't want to think about him now, she was already in enough pain. "Look, I'm probably cranky because I'm tired and I..."

"I'll get going."

"No, that's not what I meant. You..." She was cut off again.

"No, Aminah I understand you need rest and listening to me blabber probably wore you out. Look, you nearly died two days ago; you need and deserve all the rest you can get." Elisabeth was right. She needed to rest even though she didn't wish to part with her friend.

"You know what Elisabeth, I need a vacation. A long one."

"Well, you probably won't be able to work for another two to three months, so at least you'll be on paid leave for a while." Elisabeth finally stood up. "I better get going now. I don't want to be late for duty. Bye, Aminah, it's good to have you alive."

"Goodbye, Elisabeth." Just before she could walk away, Aminah stopped her. "Oh, Elisabeth, how did you really get in here?" Elisabeth looked around to see if there were any nurses or doctors within earshot. There were none.

"I snuck in through the back." She replied quietly and smiled.

"That's my girl." She whispered as Elisabeth walked off. Raking a hand through her hair she recoiled in disgust at the dry crusty feeling. When she went to examine it; Aminah had to fight the urge to vomit. It was covered in coppery flakes.

She defiantly needed a long vacation.


	2. Weakness

She woke gasping for air, shivering and covered in a cold sweat. Aminah didn't realize that she was sitting up until a now all too familiar pain tore its way down her abdomen. She wanted nothing more than to cry, but the girl had nothing but her pride left. So, she reined them in.

"Who's Christophe?" Aminah flinched at the voice, then swung her head in its direction. Tending to the red headed boy was her nurse. He took his eyes off his patient to look at her.

"How do you know that name?" She stammered.

"You wouldn't stop crying out for him in your sleep. Is he a family member?" The nurse said so softly that it was hard for Aminah to believe that this was the same man she had spoken to when she first woke up. "If so, I we can inform him that you're here."

"No, he wasn't. But we were... close." That was all Aminah could bring herself to say. The nurse nodded and turned his attention back to the boy. She sank back into the bed and tried once more to get some sleep.

It took nine more days for Aminah to be discharged. Nine more tedious, torturous days of watching soldiers leave, which she so desperately wanted to do. And die, which she definitely didn't want to do. Four of those days she wasn't even allowed to sit up, which added to the inconceivably, irksome, humdrum of hospital 'life'.

She spent most of her time staring at the ceiling, listening to the other soldiers' moan and groan in pain; while she bared her own in silence, and watching the body count rise. In the first four days alone; she had counted eight dead. One of them was the red headed boy that had laid to her left. He had apparently died while she was asleep.

She had found that out on the fourth day. Aminah had rolled her head to the side only to be greeted by an empty bed. Upon seeing it; a hollowness overtook her, a feeling that she was unfortunately, well acquainted with. Although she knew what the answer would be and even though she dreaded it, Aminah had asked her nurse where the boy had gone. He confirmed that the boy had in fact died. Drowning within a never-ending sleep.

For reasons that would elude her, she cried for him. It wasn't much but still, she did. Odd, since she was never the kind of person who'd cry over strangers. So it baffled her as to why she cried for this one boy when she had seen countless corpses littered like garbage as a trainee.

To this day; Aminah still couldn't rid her mind of the images of hanged men and women trying to escape the so called 'reclamation of Wall Maria'. Death was something she had gotten used to at the age of thirteen, maybe that's why her tears felt so foreign.

There was nothing that made this boy; whom she knew nothing about, special. He was just another soldier, expendable, just like her and almost every other soldier alive, they were all just bodies being thrown at a never-ending war. But despite all of that he was human too and that at least had to count for something. Expendable; yes, but replaceable, no.

He must have had a family, at least at some point. And a name, it didn't matter whether she knew it or not. He had one like everyone else. Maybe she was choked up because she thought that he could have been saved, like those refugees. Why did they all have to die so senselessly?

Aminah didn't want to feel anything. Feeling made her weak. If she could encase her heart in ice and stone, she'd do it. But that was impossible and while being trapped in that bed; unable to turn a blind eye to the death around her made Aminah realize one thing. _This war is futile._

* * *

No matter how sterile; the hospital constantly reeked of decay. She could practically smell the decomposition. It sickened her. All she wanted to do was leave that god forsaken place and run, run as far and as fast as she could until her legs gave out. And then scream till her voice died.

That's what she'd typically do under this much stress, but her body was far too broken to even walk properly at the time. So, she remained drifting in and out consciousness, trying to keep herself from going mad.

As each day passed, Aminah grew more and more furious at her body for not being stronger. Eventually even becoming angry at herself for just being in pain. Although they were such silly things to be mad about; they did mange wreak serious havoc in her mind. She couldn't allow herself to be weak. Not like before, not again, never again.

In the never-ending cycle of pain; Aminah would constantly wonder if the pain she'd been feeling was anything like what her father had experienced, as he laid stabbed, beaten, and alone. Aminah had thought a lot about him while in the hospital, she assumed that having nothing do but get lost in thought triggered it. She didn't want to think about him, whenever she did; it just caused her heartache and only made her feel hollow. She longed for guidance, she longed for a parent at her bedside. But her father was in the ground and her mother wasn't coming. She was too far away, and there were too many wounds to mend. _Why? Why did I push her away?_

There was no way for Aminah to temporarily escape the horrors around her. Even the alleged mercy of sleep gave her no relief. Each time she closed her eyes the titan was waiting for her. In every one of her dreams; it never attacked her. In fact, most of the time it would come no closer than a few meters, just staring at her with its hollow, dead blue eyes.

All Aminah wanted to do was go back home, to her real home. She missed the seemingly endless forest, the ever-changing river that could be silent one day and fiercely wild the next, the cool mountain air, and the foliage so brilliantly green that she still hasn't seen anything else that could compare. All she wanted to do was runaway to that house and hide. But there would be no going back, and she would have to face her demons eventually.

Too intimated to even think of attempting a conversation with the people next to her, Aminah remained isolated. Each day, she would desperately hope for Elisabeth to return. A ray of light in the darkness was much needed, but it never came.

The only upside to this situation, if there was one. Happened to be the only person she had to keep her company. It was the nurse who tended to her daily, the very same nurse who she had woken up to. Gustav was his name, he was a rather sarcastic man and had very dry sense of humor. He would come and change Aminah's bandages daily; and was even nice enough to clean the dried blood out of her hair. He'd also teach her about how to properly take care of her injures, which was important but he had the tendency to go on for too long and would often start complaining about some his colleagues.

At first these lectures and rants were quite irritating but in time they grew on her, to the point where she'd even look forward to hearing about whatever coworker had pissed him off that day. She had nothing else to pass the time, and her attachment was most likely do to Gustav being the only person who ever spoke a word to her. Although she hardly spoke to him he never seemed to mind, yet it wasn't in a 'glad you can keep your mouth shut' kind of way but instead; an understanding that some people are just not talkative.

Aminah was grateful for that. He showed no signs of distain who she was, which made her feel slightly more comfortable; despite one nurse staring at her like she was the devil. Although he had given off an odd and even snide presence at first, it turned out that Gustav was actually pretty nice, if got on his good side. In a strange way, she would miss the odd nurse.

* * *

It was misty the morning Aminah was discharged. She sat outside the hospital with another soldier waiting for a buggy that the receptionist said would be there by eight. And to her disappointment, the ride would be added to her hospital bill. Apparently, protecting humanity doesn't earn you a discount.

It had been a frustrating morning, so when the buggy arrived; she couldn't be more relived. As Aminah went to pull herself up; her foot slid on the wet step, sending her backwards. She yelped, expecting to crack her head on the ground, but instead she collided with the soldier.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." She stammered while he supported her back to keep her falling on top of him.

"Don't worry about it." He said through labored breath. Aminah quickly pulled herself into the cart and extended a hand to the young man. He paused and looked a little surprised but accepted. She moved over to make room for him and he mouthed a 'thanks', she nodded in return.

"Where you two heading?" The driver asked.

"Garrison headquarters," the solider replied then turned to Aminah "You?"

"Same." The driver nodded and commanded the two horses onward. The soldier looked at her with curiosity. Aminah side eyed him, hoping to avoid a conversation.

"So, you're a soldier too?" He said.

"Yes" She stated bluntly, keeping her eyes locked on the bay roan horse on her side of the buggy.

"Are you new? I haven't seen you before." He seemed to say hesitantly. Aminah sighed, she knew that now there was no way to avoid a conversation without being rude. So, she pulled her eyes away from the horse and faced him.

"No, I have been serving for three years." The soldier mouthed an 'oh' in surprise. "How long have you been?" He looked slightly embarrassed at the question.

"A little over a year." He shrunk back in his seat. Aminah couldn't help but crack a small smile at the boy's embarrassment. He straightened himself back up and nervously smiled back. "I'll say, I didn't expect to nearly die so soon. Do cataclysmic events happen on a regular basis?" He joked.

"Only in the last two months." He chuckled at the facetious comment as she stole quick glances at his broken leg. She knew he probably wouldn't want to be asked about it, Aminah wouldn't want him asking about her injury either; so she just tried to be discreet.

For a moment, they sat in silence. Aminah wasn't sure if she wanted to make the attempt to continue their conversation, even though it was clear to her that he did. This boy seemed nice and was around her age, maybe she could make a new friend? _Idiot, you know what happens when you try to get friendly with strangers._ Aminah shook the nagging thought from her head.

She made up her mind, what a fool she was to think that someone like her could interact with the world like a normal girl. Aminah looked away from the boy, now wishing he'd force a conversation. But none came.

Aminah finally perked up at the sight of headquarters. So much so, that when the buggy stopped; she had to keep herself from impulsively jumping out. After the boy nearly faceplanted on his way down; Aminah slowly went to slide out of the buggy. Her feet slammed onto the ground and for a moment; she lost her balance, nearly toppling over. But she refused to show any weakness and stood firm.

Taking a moment to collect herself, she heard the crunch of the gravel as the buggy took off. Although the landing had winded her; Aminah was quite surprised that she wasn't in agony right now. At least that was one less thing for her to worry about now.

"I didn't catch your name earlier." Aminah nearly jumped out of her skin. Thankfully, it was only the boy.

"Neither did I. It's Aminah." He reached out his hand. Although hesitant, Aminah took the offer and shook his hand a bit too vigorously, only to feel embarrassed by her own overzealousness.

"Tom, well it was nice meeting you Aminah. Maybe we'll see each other around."

"I'm sure we'll run into each other sooner or later, Chlorba is a small place in shrinking world. Besides, I'm easy to spot." She replied in a slightly sardonic manner. Before she could make any more self-deprecating remarks; the wind kicked up catching them in a lukewarm breeze.

"Okay, then see you around." Tom smiled, taking a step back. Brushing those dark brown curls out of his face, despite the wind's protests. Aminah merely waved and they both went their separate ways. She made her way down the gravel road kicking herself for not trying harder.

"Damn it."

* * *

When Aminah finally made it to the to the girl's barracks; she was sweaty, lightheaded and aching allover. The first thing she did once she entered that room was walk over to her bed and collapse on it. Burring her face in the pillow, she moaned at the familiar sent of dust. Though the brief euphoria it brought her was quickly spoiled by her own rancid sent.

Aminah groaned at the thought of moving, but she knew that a shower was the only way to remove the smell of rot and god knows what else from her body. So, she left for the showers and to her luck, no one else was present. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. As weak, filthy, and mutilated child. She ripped off the dingy hospital gown and peeled off her bandages then started the water. Aminah could care less about how cold it was, or how hard it was beating her tender flesh, all that mattered was washing away the lingering presence of death.

After removing the awful smell of decay, Aminah stepped out of the shower and approached the mirror. She stood before it, naked and fragile; seemingly waiting for judgment as if it were some omnipotent being watching her. Under its gaze she studied herself; a long body that she could feel weaken as each day passed, lying green eyes, and now a massive scar.

She didn't want to care, but she did. She never asked for a permanent reminder of the incident to be branded onto her body. It made her feel like someone had tried to steal her identity. It felt violating.

Disgusted, Aminah put her fresh clothes on and left the showers, feeling completely ashamed of herself.


	3. The Ghost & The Bird

 

"That son of a bitch owes me a drink." Aminah's eyes flew open, only to see Archer sitting on the edge of her bed. She sighed, not knowing whether or not she was crazy for wanting to be left alone, or actually expecting people to do so.

"What are you talking about?" She grumbled and sat up, still trying to block out the noise of the other soldiers moseying about. Archer scowled, making a strange growling noise and pointing to Aminah's right arm. It took her a second but when it finally clicked, she was dumbfounded by the revelation. "No, she wouldn't?"

"Oh, she would." The petite girl hissed under her breath. "And she did."

"Damn it, I told her not to say that."

"Not to say what?" The two turned their heads in unison at the familiar voice. With her wet hair and casual clothes on; it was obvious that Elisabeth had just come back from the showers like most of the other girls. Aminah narrowed her eyes at the blonde, which judging by her uneasy grin; didn't go unnoticed.

"Elisabeth" She said like a mother about to scold her child. "You told Archer that I had to have my arm amputated, didn't you?" A nervous laugh escaped the young soldier's lips, while Archer tensed up, looking like an angry cat ready to pounce.

"Yes, but I thought that she would be able to tell that I was joking!" Elisabeth squealed. Archer stood, trying to size her up despite her tiny frame.

"Well sorry, not everyone understands your shitty sense of humor." Although she may be small; Archer's glare was enough to frighten most; although, Elisabeth was one of the few exceptions. The blonde held her ground, looking unamused. Aminah, meanwhile; was growing sick of their shit.

"Cut it out you two." She growled in warning. "I'm tired and not in the mood to put up with your pettiness." As quickly as it began, it ended. Most of the tension deflated at her command, leaving them in an awkward silence. Archer flipped her long, raven curls off her shoulder and stepped back towards the bed.

"Well, it's nice to know that you still have both arms. I guess I'll See you at dinner. If you're up to it." She said, then causally walked off as if nothing had happened. Elisabeth sighed and took a seat on the edge of Aminah's bed.

"How can you stand her?" Aminah couldn't help but smile to herself. Few people got along with Archer, and honestly; there were times when Aminah wondered why she put up with the little firecracker's crap. But in the end, they were both outsiders. And people like them tended to stick together.

"She's not a bad person once you get to know her, she's just a little odd. Besides, she reminds me a bit of Kaya. An angrier more sarcastic version of her."

"I may not have known your sister, but I can say with almost one hundred percent certainty; that angrier is an understatement." The blonde anxiously drummed her fingers against her knees. "How are you feeling."

"Alright, I think. Nearly dying is nothing that I can't handle." Aminah chuckled darkly, stopping when she noticed Elisabeth's disturbed look.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Her eyes wandered from her friend. She knew that Elisabeth could read her like an open book, but she didn't care. The only thing that mattered right now, was her pride.

"Of course."

* * *

When the time came she dragged herself to the dining hall. Dinner was luckily, uneventful. A few of her comrades had come over to wish her a quick recovery and thankfully no one had asked about the incident. She didn't bother socializing, instead Aminah spent most of the hour staring at her plate.

When it was all over, she went straight to bed. At the end of that tiresome day, Aminah sank into her bed and drifted into a deep sleep. Only to awaken to the feeling of suffocation.

Clawing at her throat, she gasped for air. Relief finally came and she was greeted by darkness. The barracks were nearly pitch black and all of the girls had gone to sleep. It was too quiet, the darkness was starting to feel like a prison. Aminah got to her feet and silently made her way past rows of sleeping girls.

Technically, all soldiers who were under the age of twenty had curfew at nine thirty. But this rule is almost always ignored, unless you happened to get on the shit list of one of the higher ups. Aminah didn't exactly have any enemies, so she felt perfectly comfortable taking a walk after hours. Before leaving for the courtyard; she stopped to pick up her mail, something that she had forgotten earlier. Her box, as expected, was almost completely empty, all except for one letter from Rose.

Aminah's heart swelled with joy just reading the name. She walked as fast as she could to the court yard and sat down on the first bench she saw. Her hands trembled as she tore open the envelope.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then she opened it.

_Dear Aminah_

_I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while, it's just that work has been stressful and I keep forgetting. I'm pretty bad about that, forgive me. How am I doing; you may ask? Well you probably know where this is going as evident by the first sentence, so I'll try to make it quick._

_It's been real shitty. My boss keeps asking me why I always volunteer to take on the human trafficking cases. I haven't told him, obviously. The last thing that bugger needs to know is anything personal. So, when he asks I say: the underground fascinates me._

_In reality; it's a steaming pile of rubbish and now he has his cronies watching me like hawk. Probably because he thinks that I have gang connections since I spend so much time down there._

_I don't understand how they could suspect me of being a hoodlum? Alright, I understand that my height and reputation for breaking arms (of people who try to stab, shoot, or strangle me; may I add) might make me seem like a loose cannon but I have a clean record for heaven's sake! You know it's sad when I look like a saint compared to half of the Military Police._

_Rant over. Barton is doing good, his wife is pregnant, they're hoping for a son. He won't shut up about it, but it's kind of adorable. He's a good partner, respects my space, doesn't try to pry personal information out of me, and he's kind. I hope they keep us together, the last thing I want is another Ivan._

_So, enough about me. How are you doing? Getting enough sleep, I hope. Have you seen anything interesting wandering about in Maria, if so I would love to hear._

_Aminah, I know things have been hard for you and I want to help. So, I have a surprise. Sort of._

_Do to the extreme amount of stress my profession has caused, I have decided to take some time off work. I'm leaving the second to visit my parents and I'll be staying there for two weeks. If you so happen to need time off or just happen to have free time, you are welcome to stay with us._

_I wish it were possible to take more time off. Then I could have simply stopped by instead but they're keeping me busy here. It will be great to see them; I miss them so much. It's almost hard to believe that it's been a year since I last saw them and even longer since I've seen you. I miss you too and I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit._

_I don't have many friends here but I guess that doesn't matter; I have a few good ones. About half of the military police are shallow but there are good people here, they're just harder to find. I miss are chats about oddities. Obviously, you can't talk about things like that out loud here in Sina or you'll be thrown in jail._

_I know if this world had been kinder, so many things could have been different for us. Life isn't kind. In fact; it's all just a bloody mess. But it is all we'll ever get, so we have to help each other through it._

_What I'm trying to say is; I just want you to know that if you need help, I'll be here for you. Because in my eyes, you are family too._

There was an ache in her chest that was unfortunately familiar. What was she doing here? Why was she fighting her sister's battle? Who was she?

If asked; she couldn't even tell you who Aminah Rúna was. The best answer she could come up with would be that the real Aminah had died years ago, the night her sister had disappeared. And now her shell wanders this world trying to fulfill the dreams of a ghost.

The closest Aminah had come to feeling like herself in last seven years; was the time she had spent with Christophe. But he was a bird, and she; a mare, destined to always be grounded, never fully able to keep up with him. And just like her sister, his lust for freedom would be his undoing.

On a cold autumn's day; the hunters came and tore the bird's wings away. Few were there to see, but those who were screamed as the monsters left nothing but feathers behind, of the boy who wished to fly.

Aminah was sick of living in the past but she had no idea how to move forward. Maybe visiting Rose was what she needed, and while in the area; she could go back to her old house. No, she needed to say and work unless she wanted to go broke. _Idiot, go back to bed. You're starting to think like a lunatic._

She laughed to herself and got up. _Besides, I would probably just end up disappointing Rose too._ And with that thought, Aminah walked back to the barracks.

* * *

The next morning, she woke up with the rest of the soldiers and showered with them. Despite it being obviously rude, the other girls still stared. And no matter how hard she tried to ignore them, Aminah could practically feel their eyes on her scar. Instead of cowering in a corner, she cleaned herself as quickly as she could and got dressed.

It was strange to be in uniform but not have gear. Aminah didn't like it. It made her feel like bare and defenseless.

At eight, she went to the main office and was assigned to sort out paper work with five other injured soldiers. As the hours went by; she found herself glancing out the window more and more, wondering if she even wanted to be here. Could she even face them again? This world was only getting smaller and it wasn't a question of if the titans would attack again, but when. She had to shake the thought from her head, it was already making her heart race.

The monotony finally ended when she was dismissed at sundown. She didn't bother to eat, instead; she went straight to the barracks and fell asleep.

* * *

The long grass crunched under her feet and birds chirped from their perches; hidden away in the trees. She recognized this place, it was the forest that surrounded her home. Everything was so green, just as she remembered it.

The bird songs guided her further into the forest, until she could make out a small clearing ahead. Although the songs stopped there, something compelled her to keep going. Aminah pushed herself through the dense vegetation, when she entered the clearing; she was left breathless.

It was home. She raced inside to see that all of the old furniture was still there, seemingly frozen in time. Tears spilled from the corners of her eyes. This was too good to be true. And in that moment, Aminah remembered that this was just a dream.

"Of course, it's all a dream. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it." Aminah whipped her head around at the voice. What she saw should have made her happy, but instead Aminah felt nothing.

"You're not the real Kaya." She stated blankly. The doppelgänger sighed, appearing disappointed. Aminah glared, she could care less about what this imposter felt.

"Yeah, I know. But this is your dream so you're the one that dragged me here." Aminah rolled her eyes, she hated how much this thing sounded like her.

"Alright, I'll stop complaining. Just tell me why you're here, since you seem to know more than I do." The strange, older version of her sister; stepped forward but stopped when Aminah flinched.

"I don't know everything, but I can tell that your heart is torn." Her mahogany eyes tore right though Aminah, leaving her feeling exposed. "It's torn between following in the footsteps of someone who's never coming back or choosing your own path." Her hands balled into fists, why? Why did this thing seemingly understand her problems better than her?

"What should I do?" She nearly whispered. Kaya closed the distance and grabbed Aminah's shoulders.

"Tell me and everybody else to go fuck off. Live for yourself, be happy. If that involves staying in the military then fine, and if it doesn't; that's also fine. You're only going to get one life and you never know if it's going to be cut short. All I ever wanted; was for you to be happy, so please Aminah, follow your own heart."

The edges of her vison were turning black and Kaya's voice was beginning to fade. Her sister shook her but all she could focus on was the darkness closing in. "Promise me!" Kaya yelled.

"I promise." Was all she managed to say before everything went black.

* * *

Her eyes flew open, she knew what she had to do now. Aminah slipped out of her bed and began packing. Once done she walked over to the main office and sat outside with her bags. The administrator was quite shocked to see a solider sitting outside of her office, but still let Aminah in as soon as she unlocked the doors.

Aminah filled out all of the necessary paperwork to permit her time off. She told the administrator that she would be gone indefinitely, which the administrator responded with telling her that she would only have paid leave for one month and that if she was not back in ten; she would be fired. Although disappointed, Aminah agreed to all of the terms and left headquarters for the inner city, where she hoped to catch a ride.

She walked down the cobblestone streets, pathetically hobbling along with her bags as her side burned like a bonfire. Eventually, she found the carriages. Aminah walked up to the first one she saw and waved to the driver. "Excuse me sir, do you take people to the ferries?"

"Yeah, if you want to go, I can leave in a few minutes and you'll might be able to catch the first one." The man said as he leaned against the small carriage.

"Oh, thank you. I..."

"Aminah!" Both of them turned their heads. And when Aminah saw Elisabeth running towards her with Archer in tow, her heart sank.


End file.
